Saturday, July 4, 2009
♥ today,
i feel like i became closer to you, kind of.
you made my heart melt so much today.
like literally the things you said were the cutest things ever.
and they meant a lot to me hahaa.
i know that sounds gay and what not, but they did :(.
blegh, i figured when i told you you would like dump me or something
because you said you were shallow and usually those things are taken into major consideration.
and if we did break up anytime soon (knock on wood, obviously)
or if we do in the future.
i will 500% blame it on what i told you today.
and who i am, in general.
ugh.
i'm so ashamed you should be too.
it's affected my life so much, it wouldnt surprise me if you judged me on it.
even though you're not like that.
i would, if i were you. maybe.
my eyes are what make me have no confidence in myself.
i feel like they've stopped me from doing what i could do with utter shame.
at one time, i wanted to be a model, and at times an actress.
my eyes ended those dreams haha.
i don't think you grasp how much it took for me to tell you haha.
i didnt want you / dont want you to think of me differently.
or "special"
or anything else because they made me who i am.
basically.
and i am ashamed and i probably will be for the rest of my life.
however i don't expect you to still think im "pretty" or "cute" or whatever because of them.
i wouldn't.
i basically wanted to die because of them at one time.
haha.
its just embarrassing.
and you think im stupid because i say all this, yeah i realized.
what ever.
the last person i wanted to tell was you
because im so scared youd see me different.
:(
the last thing i want is kids, because i don't want to put what i went through on them.
but maybe that will change.
idk, ugh.
=[
you made my heart melt so much today.
like literally the things you said were the cutest things ever.
and they meant a lot to me hahaa.
i know that sounds gay and what not, but they did :(.
blegh, i figured when i told you you would like dump me or something
because you said you were shallow and usually those things are taken into major consideration.
and if we did break up anytime soon (knock on wood, obviously)
or if we do in the future.
i will 500% blame it on what i told you today.
and who i am, in general.
ugh.
i'm so ashamed you should be too.
it's affected my life so much, it wouldnt surprise me if you judged me on it.
even though you're not like that.
i would, if i were you. maybe.
my eyes are what make me have no confidence in myself.
i feel like they've stopped me from doing what i could do with utter shame.
at one time, i wanted to be a model, and at times an actress.
my eyes ended those dreams haha.
i don't think you grasp how much it took for me to tell you haha.
i didnt want you / dont want you to think of me differently.
or "special"
or anything else because they made me who i am.
basically.
and i am ashamed and i probably will be for the rest of my life.
however i don't expect you to still think im "pretty" or "cute" or whatever because of them.
i wouldn't.
i basically wanted to die because of them at one time.
haha.
its just embarrassing.
and you think im stupid because i say all this, yeah i realized.
what ever.
the last person i wanted to tell was you
because im so scared youd see me different.
:(
the last thing i want is kids, because i don't want to put what i went through on them.
but maybe that will change.
idk, ugh.
=[
7:47 PM
